Can’t sell you the car at that price

The client was troubled because he couldn’t deliver a raise, or a promotion, for a member of his team. The request was off-cycle, and the company leadership was drawing a hard line on new personnel expenses. He had advocated for his employee, but he couldn’t get it done. And now he needed to deliver the news.

“I feel like I’m working at a car dealership,” he said.

“Tell me more?” I asked, always delighted when a client pops a new analogy into a coaching conversation.

“If I’m a car salesman, sometimes it doesn’t matter what I want, or what the customer wants,” he continued. “Because sometimes, I just can’t sell you the car at that price.”

I’ve never been a fan of the car dealership haggle game. The whole dance seems unnecessarily theatrical, and like a big waste of time. Offer in hand, the salesperson gets up from the desk and slowly shuffles off to the manager’s office. There may be some animated arguing between the salesperson and the manager, for the customer’s benefit. The customer may loudly stand up and threaten to leave the dealership. The sequence may repeat itself several times.

This is really how adults are supposed to act toward one another?

It also violates my sense of fairness to think that I might pay less for something than the person next to me, if I can manage to negotiate more aggressively.

But my favorite moment is the one that always arrives at some point. It comes sooner, if the dealer has a no-haggle price posted on its website. Or later, if the negotiation goes on for a few rounds.

If the dealer must sell the car for more than the buyer is willing to pay, there’s no deal. My client was at the no-deal moment, and was wringing his hands over how to say it.

“Suppose you switch up your time horizon,” I suggested. “And even though you’re disappointed you’re not going to sell a car that day, you might have another one hit the lot next week that’s a better fit for the customer. Or you might be working at a different kind of dealership in a few years and get the opportunity to sell this customer a boat. How would you handle the conversation then?”

The client sighed. He would, he decided, respond with kindness. He’d acknowledge the disappointment all around, without dwelling on his own efforts to close the deal. And he would focus on the relationship in the long term rather than the transaction of the moment.

Coaching prompts:

  • How might you deliver unwanted news in a way that strengthens, rather than detracts from, your relationship with the other person?

  • What might turn a “no” into a “not now” or “not this” instead?

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