Giving away cakes

As coaches, we’re trained to extract the wisdom or inspiration from within the client instead of providing our own. That it is not our expertise, or assessments, or ideas that matter most. 

And still, I do get the rare opportunity to harness the collective wisdom of my past clients as an offering that might be useful to a current client.

This is the story of two clients who serve in different fields, who live on opposite coasts, whose work with me was separated by several years… and who will almost certainly never meet.

It is a story about motivating your team to do their best. It is also a story about dessert.

Deep into the pandemic times, I had a client who was probably the least emotionally expressive human I had ever met. (I say this, well aware that I am not super expressive myself, and often come across more serious than I feel.) We were also working across a Zoom connection with a language barrier, and he was in a highly technical field. “Am I getting through to this guy at all?” was a common question in my brain after our very cerebral conversations.

One day, the person who showed up on screen was very, very different. In fact, I would say he was giddy!

Naturally, I had to ask him what was going on. Grinning from ear to ear, he said, “My manager bought me a cake!”

Turns out he had spent the weekend leading his team of software engineers through some kind of crisis at the company. They had successfully solved the problem. And my client’s manager had found the exact right way to recognize him for his efforts.

It wasn’t a shout-out in a company newsletter. It wasn’t an extra day off, or a cash bonus. Though these things are quite motivating to plenty of other employees.

It was a cake, delivered to his house during a time when everyone was working remotely. 

The cake story returns

More recently, I coached a municipal government leader who was extremely capable, and well-liked among those who knew him, but kept getting passed over for promotions. He was understandably frustrated about this, and also about members of his team he saw as not living up to his high standards.

I learned through our conversations that he was uncomfortable giving out praise or recognition for those who were, as he saw it, just doing their jobs. So he had developed a reputation as a tough boss and a somewhat reserved colleague.

I decided to tell him the story of my unexpressive software engineering manager from a few years earlier.

“So what you’re telling me, Alan,” he said, “is that I have to get better at giving out cakes.”

I noted, as the dutiful coach, that this was a conclusion he had drawn from my anecdote about my other client. Not some kind of directive notion on my part. But he did understand the point of my story.

During the rest of our work together, my government client would entertain me with stories of the cakes he had given away – both actual and metaphorical – in between our sessions. What began as a reluctance to embrace some of the more human elements of inspiring and motivating his team had become a bit of a puzzle for him to solve. And he even seemed to enjoy it a little bit.

Being a coach is pretty delicious sometimes.

Coaching prompts:

• How do members of your staff prefer to be recognized for their achievements? How might this be different from how you prefer to be recognized for yours?

• How might you occasionally use surprise, delight and a few resources to brighten the day of a team member?